September 3, 2011 - Posted by sandy-101 - 0 Comments
“I’m ugly.” “Everyone hates me.” “I’m going to fail—I’m too stupid to pass this test.”
Why are teens and pre–teens often insecure, anxious and over–sensitive? Adolescence is a risky, dangerous time of life. Your child is attempting to figure out who he is, how he wants to be in the world and how others perceive him. In some ways, the teen years are like the terrible twos, only the stakes are much higher, because your child’s job is to form his identity and separate from you. It’s also a time when parents often go from having a special, positive bond with their child to a phase where your kid wants to push you away. At the same time, he’s also pulling you in for reassurance. It’s as if your child is saying, “I love you, I hate you; I need your help, you’re embarrassing me; stay close, but I don’t want you to walk next to me on the street.” For all these reasons and more, adolescence is an anxiety–provoking, tumultuous time, both for your child and for you.
Anxious Kids: Read More….
August 29, 2011 - Posted by sandy-101 - 0 Comments
Before we continue with the next alternative to punishment,
we want to provide you with the scientific research behind
authoritarian discipline and punishment.
But first, don’t forget, if you haven’t connected with us and the
other loving parents who are using our systems on facebook
you can do here: http://www.facebookfollow.com
This way you can feel secure in knowing that punishment
is NOT the way to discipline your child.
There are years of scientific study to back this up.
Here are just a few of the many studies done…
According to developmental Psychology and Diana Baumrind;
More often than not Punitive Style Parenting results in children that are:
- Anxious, withdrawn, with an unhappy disposition.
- Angry, aggressive, and have low self-esteem.
- Poor reactions to frustration (girls are particularly likely to
give up and boys become especially hostile).
- Assert their independence by doing many wrong things which they
would otherwise not do.
- Behave & feel that the world is hostile.
- Show rebellion / revolt.
- Become resentfully submissive & obedient.
- Hypercritical toward authority.
- Fear punishment more than others.
- Become sullen / obstinate / negativistic.
- Learn to be sly, secretive & dishonest to avoid punishment.
- Introverted.
In 1997 According to studies done by Straus, Sugarman, &
Giles-Sims:
1. Kids raised with authoritarian discipline have tendencies toward
anger and depression. That’s because authoritarian child rearing
makes it clear to kids that part of them is not acceptable, again
interfering with the development of stable internal happiness.
2. Kids raised with authoritarian discipline learn that power is
always right. Later in life, they won’t question authority when
they should.
3. Kids raised with authoritarian discipline tend to be more
rebellious. To see how, simply consider how this works for most adults.
Virtually all of us were raised with some degree of harshness,
and we chafe at control to that degree — even when we’re the ones
imposing it! That means we end up with problems regulating
ourselves.
Sometimes this shows in rebellion against the limits we impose on
ourselves (we harshly starve ourselves with a new diet and then
rebel by binging), sometimes in anger and resentfulness at any
perceived limit or criticism.
4. Children raised with an authoritarian parenting style tend to be
more angry and rebellious as teenagers and young adults.
But because they are not used to taking responsibility for themselves,
they have less self-discipline, and are more willing to follow the
peer group, or to dodge responsibility by saying that they were
only trying to “follow orders.”
What About Harsher Punishment?
- One large study showed that the more parents spanked children for
antisocial behavior, the more the antisocial behavior increased.
- The more children are hit, the more likely they are to hit others
including peers and siblings and, as adults, they are more likely
to hit their spouses. Hitting children teaches them that it is
acceptable to hit others who are smaller and weaker.
- Studies show that even a few instances of being hit as children
are associated with more depressive symptoms as adults.
- A landmark meta-analysis of 88 corporal punishment research
studies of over six decades showed that corporal punishment of
children was associated with negative outcomes including increased
delinquent and antisocial behavior, increased risk of child abuse
and spousal abuse.
Again, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to
contact us
Talk to you soon,
Sandy
